As a kid who grew up in the 90s and 2000s, Sonic the Hedgehog was more than just a video game character to me; he was a symbol of my childhood, a beacon of nostalgia that still warms my heart today. But let’s face it, some of those Sonic-branded snacks and edibles were downright bizarre!
In a surprising turn of events, the character Sonic the Hedgehog has become a Hollywood star today. While Sega’s iconic mascot has always enjoyed popularity, the extensive presence of Sonic on Walmart shelves now is unprecedented. The merchandise available today is sleek and polished, featuring high-definition graphics from Sega’s marketing team, adorning products ranging from fruit snacks to cereal boxes. However, it wasn’t always this controlled. In the 90s and early 2000s, things were far more chaotic. I’ve come across some strange Sonic-themed food items that I wish I could forget, but since that’s not possible, I’m choosing to share my findings with others as a form of coping!
Those adorably hapless ice cream bars
You’ve seen these before. Everyone knows about the funny ice cream bars with the bubblegum eyeballs. But they’re timeless for a reason. Heck, the Sonic one even has a plushie you can buy these days, as the ice cream itself becomes a little harder to find. At a glance, these character-shaped ice cream bars are cute and innocent, but the true charm comes from the gumballs, cursed to never settle in the ice cream where they’re actually supposed to be. It’s a meme at this point, but for a good reason. This is iconic food horror, symbolizing the absurd value of irony.
Nothing about this sounds appealing
This product is so revolting that it’s hard to believe it truly exists, except for a few extremely pixelated and discolored images on a fan wiki reminiscent of the horror game Silent Hill. It’s as if we’re talking about the infamous Bigfoot photo, but this time of something real and twice as frightening. In the past, HP, a UK-based food company that was absorbed by Heinz (perhaps to shield humanity from its apparent downfall), used to sell canned mush consisting of baked beans and sausage. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. To be fair, the USA has its own unsavory past of tainted canned food, but at least we had the courtesy to invent catchy names like Spaghetti-Os to mask our shame.
Wait, whose ketchup???
As someone who’s yet to visit the UK, it appears from my vantage point that the land is uniquely charming, albeit with a few quirks that leave me baffled. Take Daddies Ketchup for instance, the concept of squeezing tomato paste from a tube shaped like Sonic the Hedgehog’s misshapen head is already peculiar enough, but adding to the confusion by calling it ‘Daddy’? I’m afraid that’s a hard pass for me. Absolutely not, never in my wildest dreams would I consider trying it.
The perfect mascot for… spreadable meat
The best part about this one is that when I looked up pâté on Wikipedia to get those symbols right, I learned that “forcemeat” is a real word that people use professionally. Anyway, here’s some packaged forcemeat sold in Spain that was tragically wrapped up in the marketing campaign for Sonic Boom, a property so far down the Sonic the Hedgehog food chain Sega had to resort to, well, this. Again, this is another product I’m looking at from a cultural outsider’s perspective, but I doubt in ten years anyone will be fondly associating Sonic the Hedgehog with spreadable, minced tuna and other assorted meats. Just a hunch. Pretty sure the plot of Sonic 2 was about preventing something like this.
Eggman really hates popcorn, apparently
As a gaming enthusiast, I couldn’t resist giving a special place to the Segasonic Popcorn Shop. It wasn’t just a popcorn dispenser; it was an interactive experience that came with a mini-game! While waiting for my snack to pop, I could engage in a thrilling battle between Sonic and Eggman, where spinning a crank determined the outcome. Although the game was simple, it kept boredom at bay. Amazingly, these machines were still operational until 2017! And if you’re intrigued, like me, you can relive this unique piece of Sonic gaming history by playing the dumped game on MAME. So, go ahead and satisfy your craving for popcorn and a blast from the past!
In simpler terms, throughout Sonic’s snack history, there have been many items similar to candy and energy drinks, but with warnings not suitable for children on their packaging. Due to video game merchandising in the past when it wasn’t as popular (or during times of desperation), these products were created, allowing us to indirectly harm ourselves by imagining what it would be like to consume them. If you can resist this urge, I’d love to know your secret because I find myself doing it automatically. Can you explain how you manage to avoid this?
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2024-10-27 18:27