As a veteran of reality TV and its many iterations, I must say that The Crush House is not just another disappointing entry into the genre – it’s a whole new level of disillusionment. It’s like being trapped in a never-ending cycle of bad auditions, only to find out that the casting director is actually draining your soul for profit.
Exploring an unsettling scenario in the realm of reality television: What if producers seized control over young talents and production staff, exploiting them beyond reasonable limits for continued profit? This is a chilling prospect, but what if technology enabled such extreme manipulation? The Crush House series raises this question, albeit unenthusiastically. Regrettably, it fails to engage viewers in a captivating or entertaining manner.
Are media executives bad people?
In essence, The Crush House functions as a virtual reality TV studio. As both the show’s producer and cameraman, your objective is to ensure “The Network” is satisfied with a captivating season of this popular series. You select four cast members from a limited pool, receive daily audience demographic information, and aim to please a specified number of these demographics each day. If successful by the end of the week, everyone gets to slide down the Victory Slide. Each night, you can use ad revenue to enhance the house or help out a cast member in need who might have broken the rules. Additionally, you may receive secret communications from an enigmatic group residing beneath the set’s foundation.
While The Crush House offers intriguing concepts, unfortunately, it falls short when it comes to providing an enjoyable experience. Interaction with the game feels more like a chore than fun, and this is primarily due to the inconsistency between its simulation aspects and the daily pass/fail requirements. These requirements often seem random and beyond player control, detracting from the overall enjoyment. The gameplay lacks vitality, and despite the writing’s attempt at humor, it fails to make the hours spent waiting for an in-game day to pass feel rewarding. In summary, The Crush House may have promising ideas, but its execution leaves much to be desired.
Audience capture
Initially, it seems as if The Crush House could be a culinary establishment. However, the actors emerge from a hidden tube beneath the pool area of the quirky property, and their eccentric personalities hint at a drama-filled journey ahead. A torrent of audience messages scrolls across one side of the screen, resembling an unengaging Facebook live chat straight from reality. The cast will engage in spontaneous scuffles, peculiar disputes, and unexpected kissing scenes without any prior indication. Throughout this chaos, they converse like characters from Animal Crossing, complete with the distinctive sound effects associated with their emotions. Undeniably, it’s a strange setup.
The problem is how you make the audience happy. Different demos want different things, such as people interested in drama, arguments, romance, cinematography, butts, feet, plumbing infrastructure, so on and so forth. The demos themselves can be funny, but in practice you’re scored based on what you point the camera at. You follow the cast around, point the camera, and hope whatever’s in the shot is picked up on and starts generating points. If not, you adjust your shot until you start getting points, and hopefully more than one element gains points to give you a bonus. And if you get enough points in one category to get a passing grade, further points in that category spill into the others.
Each day, the demonstrations you’re given are chosen at random. If they interfere with each other in a way that makes it hard to earn points – perhaps due to missing decorations or an ill-matched cast – then you’re in trouble. All you can do is strive frantically to accumulate points and barely scrape by. Fail, and you have to go through a series of stages and multiple loading screens before attempting the day again with rearranged demonstrations. But when luck is on your side, the demonstrations flow seamlessly, and all you need to do is adjust the camera angle and let the points pile up.
We get it, there’s a spooky thing happening
To progress through the game, you may encounter a character who assigns you a mission, and these assignments are determined by the game’s algorithm. For instance, you might be asked to observe a character engaging with others in certain scenarios. Your main actions would involve trailing the character, waiting for them to act as required, and perhaps earning enough currency to add a waffle maker to the kitchen or similar tasks to move the story forward. Meanwhile, you’ll want to avoid any glitches that might force you to restart the entire day.
To fully tell this story, it’s probably necessary to produce several episodes, as solving tasks may take more than one day, and raising enough funds for suitable decorations requires multiple episodes (and therefore viewings) due to the in-app ad revenue system. For instance, one character desires an expensive karaoke setup worth thousands of dollars, but income is generated only when the camera is turned off and ads are displayed, approximately earning 50 dollars every few seconds. However, filming can’t happen during ad breaks, creating a balance between maximizing ad revenue and continuing production. This slow income generation is indeed comparable to the gradual movement of a glacier.
If you ever grow tired of it, The Crush House provides an option to adjust settings so that failure becomes impossible (or failing repeatedly if you prefer self-criticism). This way, you can concentrate on mundane character exchanges or let the program run ads for an entire day without interference. Approximately halfway through Season 3, I chose this route, allowing myself to disengage mentally until I could transition to the next season and prepare for new character assignments. Enjoy yourselves!
Soylent Green
The reward for slogging through the The Crush House production is getting a look at the sinister truth behind the show’s long-running success. It’s presented in a way that’s still trying to be goofy and sardonic, which ends up making it awkwardly communicated and not compelling. It’s also kind of a boilerplate premise in the first place, since we’re talking about reality TV here. I can’t believe this form of programming is problematic! It would almost be more subversive if the show turned out to be a puppy rescuing operation instead of a plot to wring the souls out of teenagers for profit. Imagine that.
In a nutshell, “The Crush House” seems overly confident in its concept, but lacks depth to back it up. Its gameplay is superficial and often frustrating due to excessive dice-rolling, with characters that are repetitive and indistinct. The player’s role is largely passive, watching events unfold on the screen, hoping for positive outcomes rather than active engagement. Unfortunately, the climax, like the gameplay, fails to deliver a satisfying payoff, making the intended subversive commentary fall flat.
On August 9, 2024, The Crush House will be released for PC gaming. We’ve received a special code from the publisher for review purposes.
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2024-08-09 19:28