Murray Rudd and Dennis Porter, as if Tolstoyan characters seeking meaning lest their souls wither like stale bread, pronounced that by the year 2036, the price of Bitcoin would soar to $4.3 million. Yes, dear reader, this is not the punchline to a peasant joke, but rather the culmination of much mathematical modeling and, doubtless, several sleepless nights.
According to our legal eagle, both teams have asked Judge Torres for an indicative ruling. Sounds fancy, right? This ruling is like a GPS for the next steps in this legal maze. 🧭
So, Solana couldn’t keep it together above $160. It did what any self-respecting cryptocurrency would do — it took a nosedive. It’s now below $155, and things are starting to look a little grim.
According to Tether, their T3 Financial Crime Unit (FCU) has partnered with Tron and TRM Labs to track suspect transactions in real time. Since late 2024, this unit has frozen over $126 million in assets that raise more eyebrows than a bad haircut. In the last quarter of that year alone, a whopping $100 million was blocked, suggesting that enforcement efforts are ramping up just as regulators worldwide tighten their belts—perhaps a little too tightly.
Ah, the market participants, those wise and weary souls, are split like a ripe peach on Ethereum’s short-term fate. Yet, amidst the uncertainty, a glimmer of hope shines through the fog. Our sage analyst, Ted Pillows, whispers of a golden cross on the horizon — a mystical chart pattern where the 50-day moving average dares to cross above the 200-day moving average. Historically, this has heralded a surge, with the last golden cross sending ETH soaring by a staggering 35%. Talk about a party! 🎉📈
Despite headlines that would make Douglas Adams himself reach for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, Bitcoin managed to cling to “key support levels” (a phrase which here means, ‘the imaginary lines people draw on charts late at night’). Even as tensions soar and analysts attempt to divine the future with all the confidence of a Vogon poet predicting rainfall, BTC sits smugly beneath its all-time high, looking like it’s waiting to be invited to a very exclusive party.
And here’s another list of those who believe that a $SOL ETF could send Solana – and its sidekick, Solaxy, the first Layer 2 on this wild ride – soaring to the heavens: you got it, also everyone. Ain’t that a hoot? 😂
According to these financial wizards, major geopolitical events are like a sale at your favorite store—perfect for scooping up Bitcoin and other crypto goodies. Last Friday, the Crypto Asset Sentiment Index took a little dip, but by Monday, it was back to its cheerful self, thanks to some fresh cash flowing into exchange-traded products and the US dollar feeling a bit under the weather. With Bitcoin hovering around $107,000, a 31% jump would catapult it to a dazzling $140,000. Talk about a glow-up! ✨
CryptoQuant contributor Darkfost—whose name sounds suspiciously like a villain from 1980s cartoons—points out that the great Bitcoin migration towards Binance has slowed to a level best described as “comatose.” Both whales (those mysterious crypto millionaires who presumably lair in villainous volcano fortresses) and retail investors (Uncle Dave, at it in his pajamas) have essentially stopped sending their precious BTC to the exchange.
According to our buddy @btcNLNico on X, six firms have opened shiny new Bitcoin treasuries, adding a total of 404 BTC in just one week! American Bitcoin Corp is leading the charge with a hefty 215 BTC purchase, all while preparing for a public merger under the ABTC ticker. Talk about a corporate makeover! 💼✨