The latest musings from The Kobeissi Letter inform us of Ethereum’s misfortunes since the dawning of this year, with its value plummeting by a staggering 46%. Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that steadfast monolith, has merely stumbled by a mere 12%. Such is the farcical ballet of our times, where one performer pirouettes while the other flops about, utterly lost.
Upon the digital town square, X (formerly Twitter, a name as awkward as a penguin in a sauna), on a Monday masquerading as March 31st, Armstrong pontificated that banks—those temples of tedious finance—should extend a welcoming, nay, identical, embrace to crypto entities. They should be “allowed to, and incentivized to, share interest with consumers.” Oh, the humanity! The altruism! One almost expects doves to flutter from his digital utterance.🕊️
This blockchain ‘investigator’ – sounds rather like a low-rent detective, doesn’t it? 🕵️ – reports that these scammers, presumably bored with more conventional villainy, have been targeting Coinbase wallets with gusto this month. A glimpse into the digital entrails, courtesy of Blockchair, suggests that a staggering 400 Bitcoin
BTC
$83 494
24h volatility:
1.1%
Market cap:
$1.66 T
Vol. 24h:
$29.10 B
(a sum that would make even the most hardened gambler blanch) may have vanished from a single wallet. In a missive dispatched via Telegram, ZachXBT notes, with barely concealed glee:
In a grand spectacle on the X platform, the illustrious Ali Martinez, a sage of the digital coinage, has unveiled a prophecy! He claims that the ADA token, like a phoenix, may rise from the ashes and reclaim its rightful place at $0.77 in the days to come. Can you hear the trumpets? 🎺
On a blustery day marked by merciless market corrections, Chainlink (LINK), with the solemnity of an actor collapsing from an overzealous stab wound, tumbled gracelessly. In its desperate plunge, it revisited the ominous “crucial support level,” leaving investors clutching at their monitors like anxious theatergoers.
Now, folks might be a bit jittery with all this up-and-down, but if you look at the big picture, Bitcoin’s just doin’ its thing, consolidatin’ like a boss. And the smart folks, the on-chain analysts, they’re pokin’ around to see what’s really goin’ on behind the scenes.
Initially, the news had investors doing the happy dance, reminiscent of MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin bonanza. But, as quickly as the party started, it ended with a colossal hangover, wiping out a cool $3 billion in market value. It’s like GameStop invited everyone to a potluck and then served up a plate of moldy leftovers. Yum!
The reason for this meteoric rise? Binance decided to list it, because apparently, the world needed another meme coin to lose sleep over. Their “Vote to List” campaign picked TUT alongside three other coins, proving once again that democracy is alive and well—at least in the crypto world.
It was on the illustrious date of March 27 that our brave protagonists submitted, through their exchange partner, Nasdaq, a rather grand 19b-4 filing to the SEC, pleading for permission to list and trade the much-anticipated Grayscale Avalanche Trust ETF shares. Talk about turning regulatory processes into a lighthearted game of hopscotch!
Psychological support levels? More like psychological warfare! Carl Runefelt, the soothsayer of the crypto realm, has peered into his crystal ball and declared that $2,100 is a brick wall for Ethereum. It’s like trying to bust through a bank vault with a toothpick. If the bulls don’t get their act together, we might be singing “Swan Song of the ETH” before long.