Crypto News

Enter the grand chartists, CasiTrades and Charting Guy, our modern-day Molière and Corneille, dissecting the market with the precision of a surgeon and the flair of a poet. CasiTrades, ever the optimist, has identified bullish divergences across multiple timeframes, from the fleeting 15-minute to the sturdier 4-hour charts. “Was that the bottom for XRP? After reaching the .786 retrace at $2.05, #XRP is printing bullish divergences from the 15min all the way up to the 4hr chart. That’s the kind of signal we want to see for both short-term bottom and macro! The bounce is holding so far!” proclaims CasiTrades, as if heralding the arrival of a new dawn.

This recent development, as they say in the papers, follows Backpack’s acquisition of FTX EU earlier this year. One assumes they weren’t planning on just using the office space for a game of cricket 🏏.

Though many watch ADA with hope, expecting its price to rise again, analysts speak of darker skies ahead. “A shift in sentiment?” they muse with a dry chuckle. “Not soon.” The market, they warn, shows signs of a prolonged decline, much like the sincere promises of an earnest politician: well-intentioned but doomed to fail.

The latest musings from The Kobeissi Letter inform us of Ethereum’s misfortunes since the dawning of this year, with its value plummeting by a staggering 46%. Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that steadfast monolith, has merely stumbled by a mere 12%. Such is the farcical ballet of our times, where one performer pirouettes while the other flops about, utterly lost.

Upon the digital town square, X (formerly Twitter, a name as awkward as a penguin in a sauna), on a Monday masquerading as March 31st, Armstrong pontificated that banks—those temples of tedious finance—should extend a welcoming, nay, identical, embrace to crypto entities. They should be “allowed to, and incentivized to, share interest with consumers.” Oh, the humanity! The altruism! One almost expects doves to flutter from his digital utterance.🕊️

This blockchain ‘investigator’ – sounds rather like a low-rent detective, doesn’t it? 🕵️ – reports that these scammers, presumably bored with more conventional villainy, have been targeting Coinbase wallets with gusto this month. A glimpse into the digital entrails, courtesy of Blockchair, suggests that a staggering 400 Bitcoin

BTC
$83 494

24h volatility:
1.1%

Market cap:
$1.66 T

Vol. 24h:
$29.10 B

(a sum that would make even the most hardened gambler blanch) may have vanished from a single wallet. In a missive dispatched via Telegram, ZachXBT notes, with barely concealed glee:

In a grand spectacle on the X platform, the illustrious Ali Martinez, a sage of the digital coinage, has unveiled a prophecy! He claims that the ADA token, like a phoenix, may rise from the ashes and reclaim its rightful place at $0.77 in the days to come. Can you hear the trumpets? 🎺

On a blustery day marked by merciless market corrections, Chainlink (LINK), with the solemnity of an actor collapsing from an overzealous stab wound, tumbled gracelessly. In its desperate plunge, it revisited the ominous “crucial support level,” leaving investors clutching at their monitors like anxious theatergoers.

Now, folks might be a bit jittery with all this up-and-down, but if you look at the big picture, Bitcoin’s just doin’ its thing, consolidatin’ like a boss. And the smart folks, the on-chain analysts, they’re pokin’ around to see what’s really goin’ on behind the scenes.

Initially, the news had investors doing the happy dance, reminiscent of MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin bonanza. But, as quickly as the party started, it ended with a colossal hangover, wiping out a cool $3 billion in market value. It’s like GameStop invited everyone to a potluck and then served up a plate of moldy leftovers. Yum!