Bitcoin Bottom Confirmed? Data Shows 87.5% Chance The Worst Is Over

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In the tumultuous world of Bitcoin, the battle for market sentiment rages on. Crypto analysts, like two grizzled warriors, are squaring off on X—each presenting their vision of a future that looks either more like paradise or a post-apocalyptic wasteland. One insists the bottom is not yet here, while the other, more optimistic soul, claims the worst is behind us, citing an overwhelming 87.5% chance of hope. 87.5%! Well, that sounds pretty solid, right? Or is it just a clever ploy to sell you another ‘Bitcoin is the future’ T-shirt?

Bitcoin Bears In Trouble?

Enter Doctor Profit (@DrProfitCrypto), the bearer of doom. With a tone dripping with calculated caution, he lists two scenarios for Bitcoin: “A) The bottom lies somewhere between 68-74k in a normal market, B) A Black Swan crash could take us straight to 50k.” Mmm, Black Swan, sounds ominous. But wait, there’s more—he’s not giving out probabilities. Instead, he simply notes that a Black Swan event, a term so laden with dread it could make you check under the bed, could still sneak up and deliver a punch. “I’d say a Black Swan event was very unlikely recently, but now, who knows? I wouldn’t rule it out—might even welcome it!”

His scenario sounds like a scene from an epic disaster movie. The question is, should we grab popcorn or brace for impact? Doctor Profit leans toward the latter. While admitting uncertainty, he leaves room for a disaster of unprecedented magnitude, like waiting for a meteor to crash on Earth. Such is the volatile beauty of crypto. Make sure you have your crash helmet ready!

But wait—hold onto your seat, because not everyone is on the doom train. Enter Astronomer (@astronomer_zero), the crypto optimist. With a grin that’s more charming than a bear market, he suggests the bottom has already arrived. He refers to a magic number, an 87.5% chance, thanks to Bitcoin’s trend around Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) meetings. “This works 14 out of 16 times,” he asserts. Pretty fancy, huh? So, let’s get this straight: an 87.5% chance of a rebound? It’s like flipping a coin, but if the coin is a giant Bitcoin logo. 🍀

Astronomer claims Bitcoin likes to bottom out around FOMC dates. It’s like clockwork—if you’re lucky enough to call the right time. “The bottom usually appears anywhere between a few days to the day of the FOMC meeting,” he explains, carefully tracking Bitcoin’s movements like a crypto detective. With the next FOMC meeting scheduled for March 19, it’s make or break time. The latest bottom, according to Astronomer, should happen by then—if his theory holds up. He’s got charts, data, and a lot of optimism. Too bad there isn’t a “buy now, thank me later” button for crypto predictions.

As if his optimism wasn’t enough, Astronomer points to the market’s current fear level as a “perfect sign of a rebound.” It’s almost like he’s thrilled to see traders trembling in their boots, as fear peaks to absurd levels. “Everyone is so cautious, even ‘reputable’ traders are hiding behind the curtains. That’s how I know we’re about to turn things around.” Oh, the sweet taste of irony. The more fear, the more bullish? Sure, why not?

As the clock ticks, Bitcoin hovers at $83,277, waiting for its next move. Will the pessimists get their crash? Or will the optimists bask in their near-perfect prediction? Only time, and possibly a few more FOMC meetings, will tell.

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2025-03-13 23:11