SEC’s New Crypto Squad: Fighting Scams with Style, Sarcasm, and a Sassy Smile 😎

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“SEC’s New Crypto Squad: Fighting Scams with Style, Sarcasm, and a Sassy Smile 😎”

SEC’s New Crypto Squad: Fighting Scams with Style, Sarcasm, and a Sassy Smile 😎

Amid a thunderstorm of confusion (and let’s admit, a sprinkle of comedy), the almighty United States SEC decided to take charge once again! They’ve injected new life into their arsenal by swapping out their good ol’ Crypto Assets and Cyber Unit for the brand-new, shiny-sounding Cyber and Emerging Technologies Unit (CETU). Who comes up with these names? Probably someone with a thesaurus addiction. 🤔

This modern-day team of cyber-avengers will assemble roughly 30 fraud fighters to save innocent retail investors from the nefarious clutches of emerging technologies and scammers (read: techy magicians with questionable ethics).

“Under Laura’s stellar leadership, this fresh and sassy unit will work hand-in-hand with the Crypto Task Force, led by Commissioner Hester Peirce. Not only will we protect investors, but also keep the innovation train running without tripping over any… rogues on the tracks,” waxed poetic Mark T. Uyeda, acting Chairman of the SEC, who sounded like he just got a motivational poster framed in his office. 🎩

Spilling a bit more tea, it turns out that Laura D’Allaird, the head of CETU, will have 20 fewer team members to charm compared to its predecessor group from 2022, because, you know, why stop at budget cuts? Efficiency or austerity? Probably both.

Biting Scams with AI and a Side of Snark

Did we mention CETU has a fancy new priority list? AI, machine learning, social media scams, and—wait for it—the dark web. Yikes! It’s like they’re starring in a low-budget cyber-noir film. 🎭 Oh, and they’re cracking down on promo frauds using fake websites too. Creativity knows no bounds, even for criminals. 🙄

Signs of the Times for the Crypto Market

If Donald Trump’s administration was a TV show, this season would be titled “Blockchain: The Adoption Era.” They’ve been diligently throwing policies at the crypto market like darts, hoping one will stick without popping the economic bubble. 😂 And with scams now a cultural phenomenon (thank you, meme coins), there’s never been a dull moment!

For instance, Chainalysis spilled the beans in its latest report, claiming scams devoured a jaw-dropping $12.4 billion in 2024. Excited yet? AI and high-yield Ponzi schemes were the stars of the show, accounting for 83% of all fraudulent revenue. Pig butchering scams, in particular, were “bringing home the bacon” for these fraudsters. 🐷

1/10 Today, we published our scams section of our Crypto Crime Report, revealing that 2⃣0⃣2⃣4⃣ is set to be a record-year for scammers. What else did we find? We’ve pulled some of the most interesting figures in the 🧵thread below 👇

— Chainalysis (@chainalysis) February 13, 2025

A Stage Full of Villains

From memecoin rugs like the infamous LIBRA debacle (looking at you, President Javier Milei 🇦🇷), where 86% of investors lost $251 million, to scammers acting all legit on GitHub, the Web3 theater is full of drama. Ki Young Ju, the founder of CryptoQuant, called this a “multi-platform scam circus.” Well, isn’t that a circus we’d pay to avoid? 🤡

But hey, the SEC’s CETU might just be the ticket to restoring balance in this chaotic crypto cosmos. Or, at least add some much-needed entertainment to the financial sector. Until then, trust no one… not even your dog if it starts barking about blockchain. 🐕‍🦺

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2025-02-20 22:59