Heart Eyes Review: The Most Predictable Slasher Ever Made

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It seems you’re pointing out an inconsistency here: If this film includes a joke involving detectives named Hobbs and Shaw, implying the existence of the Fast & Furious universe, then why isn’t it noticeable that Detective Shaw (played by Jordana Brewster) bears a striking resemblance to Mia Toretto?

Among the numerous thoughts racing through my mind while watching “Heart Eyes,” the Valentine’s Day movie released a week before V-Day 2025, was the fact that it seemed nobody wanted to challenge the new Captain America film. The plot revolves around Ally (Olivia Holt) and Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding), who unknowingly are believed to be a couple following an intense romantic night out. Unfortunately for them, every Valentine’s Day, a masked killer targets couples, and this year, they’re setting their sights on our hapless duo, turning what was supposed to be a magical evening into a terrifying nightmare.

The film “Heart Eyes” is unconventional and seems to fall short in its intended goals. To be honest, I’m not great at guessing plot twists in movies. I often come up with assumptions, but they usually turn out to be incorrect. What I enjoy about slasher films is that they often serve as whodunnits, where one (or more) of the main characters could be the masked killer. I’ve watched my fair share of slashers, and the only other time I correctly identified the culprit was in “Scream VI,” another Spyglass production featuring Mason Gooding.

This film turned out to be remarkably straightforward in its plot development. Within the initial 20 minutes, I had already identified my top suspect. Around the midpoint, there was a scene where the script intentionally left out a significant piece of information, after which I became absolutely certain about the identity of the murderer. From that point onward, I merely waited for them to disclose it. When we reached the climax and were presented with the “Surprise!”, I couldn’t help but let out a sigh at how evident it was. If you’re an enthusiast of slasher movies, you’ll likely guess the killer, particularly at that halfway mark. It’s astonishing just how simple it was to figure out.

In an unexpected twist, who would have thought love could be so gruesome? Despite its predictability, the film offers some creative, violent deaths that are sure to satisfy gore enthusiasts. The opening scene presents the most original kill, while subsequent ones may not be as imaginative but cater well to fans of splatter films. However, the narrative revolves around Ally, who encounters Jay at a café. Their hands accidentally touch while both grabbing the same coffee cup, only to discover they’ve both ordered the same drink. This is your typical, overly sweet and sentimental meet-cute scene, which sets the tone for the film as it delves into the well-worn tropes of a romantic comedy.

Heart Eyes offers an unusual blend of a romantic comedy from Hallmark and a slasher film, bordering on parody in some ways. The plot progressions are predictable to such an extent that you can anticipate what’s coming several minutes ahead. The characters Ally and Jay are portrayed as typical romantic archetypes: Ally with her cynical single life, and Jay as a charming yet naive romantic. However, we don’t fully connect with their emotions until later when their pasts are unveiled, explaining their personalities. Unfortunately, this emotional depth is somewhat undermined by humorous elements that persist throughout the revealing scene.

The issue is compounded by the fact that director Josh Ruben seems to strive for unconvincing performances. Nothing in the film feels genuine because actors deliver stiff and rehearsed portrayals. It appears as though they’re playing caricatures of movie characters rather than real individuals. Furthermore, the scenarios the characters encounter lack authenticity; they seem contrived, almost as if the script forced them in to advance the plot. Despite its campy style that aims for intentional humor, it falls short compared to Companion, a 2025 film that shares the same horror/rom-com hybrid genre and was more successful in achieving comedic effect.

The film frequently nods to other movies, aiming to provoke laughter from viewers. However, at times it’s challenging to distinguish between characters’ dialogues and a screenwriter’s movie enthusiast banter. The sole saving grace of Heart Eyes is its ability to keep audiences engaged with brief bursts of suspense and excitement within the one-night setting.
The Heart Eyes Killer stands out among slasher villains due to his excessive violence, displaying moves more akin to an action hero than the usual slow-paced Michael Myers type. Yet, despite these elements, the movie itself is weak, with dialogue and performances that struggle to maintain consistency, oscillating between lampooning romcom tropes and embracing them.

SCORE: 4/10

According to the review guidelines on ComingSoon, a rating of 4 indicates “Poor.” This means that the negative points significantly overshadow the positive ones, making it challenging to finish the review.

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2025-02-08 01:41