As a seasoned gamer with decades of experience under my belt, I’ve seen it all – from pixelated beginnings to the high-definition worlds we explore today. But one thing that never ceases to baffle me is the sheer quantity of merchandise out there that seems tailor-made to disappoint us gamers.
Occasionally, I ponder over Funko Pops. You know, they’re quite ubiquitous in American retail stores, often found on a shelf or two. Yet, they’re frequently mocked online when discussions revolve around collectibles and merchandise related to fandoms. My feelings towards them are mixed, as I cherish the memories of collecting some with my family due to their extensive variety and affordable price. While they have a certain reputation, it’s crucial to maintain balance. There are indeed many products that are far less desirable, vying for the diminishing disposable income of fans who can’t afford high-end items.
As I delved into compiling this list for gaming merchandise, I found it to be more compact than anticipated. To my surprise, quite a few brands I had initially planned to feature weren’t eligible for licensing reasons. Initially, I considered broadening the criteria, but decided instead on presenting an amusing twist: it seems gamers are more particular when it comes to their merchandise purchases compared to enthusiasts of superheroes, TV shows, and films. Granted, this conclusion appears peculiar given the existence of Ready Player One, but hey, every little victory counts for the gaming community!
Licensed Monopoly boards
I’ve never enjoyed playing Monopoly due to several factors; it simply doesn’t provide an enjoyable experience for me, though I recognize its appeal to others. When I first saw licensed Monopoly boards appearing in stores, I found them intriguing… until I examined them more closely. Unfortunately, most of these products are rather uninspired, with map locations representing various characters and the overall design being overwhelmed by generic art assets. The Pokemon versions, in particular, are quite disappointing! There are superior ones that demonstrate thoughtful design, but they’re labeled as “Collector’s Editions” like those for Super Mario Bros. and Zelda, which significantly increase their price tag. Frankly, I believe it’s a letdown to use mass-produced merchandise-approved art without tailoring the property to the new medium. However, I must admit that the Animal Crossing Monopoly game is quite excellent! It deviates significantly from traditional Monopoly, which speaks volumes about its quality.
Cable Guys
From a distance, I see the appeal of having a fun character on your desk to hold your phone or controller. But aside from like, the Sonic characters, a lot of the gaming licenses are not appealing at all. I dunno about you all, but the last thing I want on my desk is a cutesy, squished-down version of a war criminal from Call of Duty hanging out, offering to be my little desk buddy in exchange for like 40 bucks. No thanks man, I can hold my own controller. Go be a nuisance somewhere else.
Scalers
I made an exception by including the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in this list, despite the fact that most of these items are not related to video games and often resemble Funko Pops negatively. To be honest, I despise these items deeply, my facial expression always contorts when I come across them. Fortunately, they’re rarely seen nowadays, but this list brought their existence back to my mind. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are among the intellectual properties that have fallen victim to this hideous, useless merchandise. They’re unattractive, seem foolish, and attaching a bulky piece of plastic to a headphone cable just doesn’t make sense. It might even harm your ears! NECA usually produces high-quality items, but Scalers stand out as exceptionally poor from a company that should be aware of better choices.
Corny T-shirts
Previously, I expressed my belief that gamers may exhibit a more discerning eye when it comes to spending on merchandise. To be clear, I chose those words intentionally because stating “gamers have superior taste” would be misleading. The truth is, the video game-themed apparel I frequently encounter is often of questionable quality for adults.
Disgusting energy drinks
Without mincing words, it’s no secret that I have a strong dependence on caffeine. Over the course of the last year, I’ve been on a quest to find an alternative to coffee that doesn’t wreak havoc on my digestive system. That journey led me to GFUEL, which initially seemed like a whimsical choice when I bought “Sonic’s Peach Rings” at a Sheetz one day. To my delight, it tasted fantastic. However, the other side of the spectrum is filled with these questionable energy drinks, often found in coolers at specialty or hobby stores, or discount retailers like Five Below. Just by looking at them from afar, I can tell they’re not appealing. Moreover, a quick glance at their ingredients suggests that they all contain the same unpleasant mix, merely labeled differently. These drinks, it seems, are all produced by the same company, Boston America Corp., a licensing firm. It wouldn’t surprise me if, in ten years, legal action is taken against whoever manufactures these products for potentially poisoning children. Quite a grim thought, isn’t it?
Heroes of Goo Jit Zu Sonic the Hedgehog Stretchy Heroes
When creating this list, I made a conscious effort to avoid including toys related to children’s games that might be expensive, like shoes. After all, childhood is challenging enough as it is, and who wouldn’t want an affordable toy from their favorite game? Remember those Stretch Armstrong toys we loved as kids? They were such fun! However, I firmly believe that it’s inappropriate to combine terms like “goo” with characters like Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s not right for anyone with influence to do something so careless, even I, a staunch defender of Sonic games, would agree.
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2024-11-24 19:27